Now what...?

I threw my pants and my shirt and shoes on and headed out the door, grabbing my wallet, stuffing it and my phone into my jeans pocket, and throwing my jacket over my shoulders. It didn't take me that long to get to the hospital. Not like I had when I had to go down there when Abigail had broken her arm, or like when I went down there for Abigail when this happened to ZhiZhi. But I was there pretty quickly. Parking in the back, I headed around to the front, seeing Dante already inside, sitting at a booth. The hostess asked if she could help me and I pointed to my brother. She nodded and let me go in and sit with him. Sitting down across from him at the booth, I let out a heavy breath. "Ok, so why are you here and not over at the hospital with ZhiZhi?"

I took a sip of my coffee setting the mug down. "Because she deserves space. She doesn't know me.. or love me.. or even care who I am. I can't force myself on her. Small doses, fine, but I already pushed her, telling her that we were together and that we had a daughter. She basically shut down when I told her. She told me to go make my calls so I did and gave her some breathing room. Is that so bad? I mean is it a capital crime?" I may be snapping at him but I already felt guilty about it. "She doesn't know me and I wanna give her space. That's all. She has that right. She just woke up she doesn't need my hovering over her.. she needs time to breathe. Besides, Abby is probably already there with her.. or Carly or both either way she doesn't need me breathing down her neck too."

I shook my head, ordering a coffee from the waitress as she came over and turning my head back to Dante. "No. I mean, yes, she does." Sighing heavily. "I mean, I wouldn't look at it as breathing down her neck. She's the woman you love. You need her in your life and right now, ZhiZhi needs you more than she probably ever has." I leaned back. "All I know is if this was Abigail in ZhiZhi's positon, God and Heaven forbid, I would never leave her for a moment. Never."

"You know Jackson. I'm not you. And look what you got yourself for not leaving? You're alone. We don't handle things the same way for a reason. She needs space. You fucking give it. You don't breathe down her neck because that pushes her away. I want to be the person she turns too.. you don't understand do you? She doesn't know me, not even a little, and as a stranger crowding her will only push her away. I'm sorry I'm not handling it your way but I didn't realize I had too and I sure as hell didn't think you'd fucking sit there and judge my actions and try and fucking bitch at me for doing shit a different way. Well, guess what, you're alone so you got no damn right giving advice!" I snapped loudly, making the people around us stare. I let go of a an angry breath, trying to keep calm. "I'm sorry." I said through gritted teeth. "I'm stressed out. I apologize." I knew it was a dick move but I didn't like how he was judging me when I already felt shitty as it was. I felt like I was making the right choice even if he didn't.

"Uh..." I shook my head, leaning back forward. "No. You know what? You're right. No need to apologize. You know ZhiZhi the best, and you're right, we're not the same. We don't handle anything the same. If you think this is the best way to handle things, then that's the way they should be handled." I know I'd never leave Abigail alone, because I didn't want her to think I turned my back on her later when she did remember, but I wasn't going to say that out loud, not when Dante was already upset as it was. "I won't give you any more advice. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Don't be. You just don't get the way I feel because you aren't in my shoes. I'm sorry I snapped but I've been holding all this anger in forever. I wish like hell I could find the bastard who took her from me.. she's here.. you know.. sitting in front of me, finally awake, and she's not her. And I have all this guilt because I was terrible to her. I was the reason she was in that place in the first place.. the reason she left.. the reason she walked in that store and got shot at. Me. Nobody else.. and I have to live with that and now I have to live with memories she doesn't have.. memories she may never have." I took a long sip of my coffee, emptying it. "I have to live with all of this and I have to learn how to tread lightly with her... to not upset her.. because she may not remember me and I don't want her to run away forever. Especially not away from Tammy.."

"I don't know what I'd do in your shoes, man. I'm sorry." I leaned back as the waitress sat down my coffee, turning to ask Dante if he'd like a refill or anything else.

"Yes, please. That's all." I told the waitress watching her leave. I looked back at Jackson. "Don't be sorry. No need." I took a sip. "How are things on your end?" I needed the subject changed so I changed it.

"Lonely," I repeated him having said I was alone, but not having meant to. "I mean, yeah, I am alone. Superbowl is next weekend. Without having a game to focus on, there really isn't anything to keep me from remembering that." Plus, Dante was on suspension from the other games, and he was going to have to go up against the board to be able to play in the SB, but I didn't even know if he was going to want to, considering. I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I've got Kyle, but I can't relate to him how I'm feeling, that things haven't turned out in my life. I can talk to him about a lot of things, but not how I've messed up my life."

"Well you can talk to me. That's what brothers are for, right? To talk. To discuss what's wrong and fix it. Or attempt too. You can tell me whatever you want.. and I will listen. It will be a moment away from what I've done to my own life.. so spill, all or as little as you want." I sipped my drink, shrugging my shoulders.

"I let my cock fuck up my life," I said, sighing heavily. "And not just with Carly. I fucked up a long time ago. With Leanne." I picked up my coffee, holding it beneath my nose to inhale it, but not drinking yet. "I lost Abigail all those years ago because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants. This with Carly has just cemented everything. I love Carly, I do, but not like I love Abigail. I never could love anyone like I love Abigail. And now I'm fathering another baby who isn't Abigail's." I sat the cup down without even taking a drink. "She was supposed to be my only baby mama, and now the Guido is trying to steal that from me too."

"What? How is he stealing it?" I knew they had been sleeping together and I knew the babies were Jeff's but how was that trying? I mean he had already pretty much taken that away from Jackson. "I know your probably upset over the dilemma your in and I'm sorry that I haven't been much of a friend lately, let alone your fake brother," I said half laughing. "but I think you can turn things around even if those babies aren't yours so Jeff isn't stealing anything."

"You don't have to apologize, brother," I told him, picking my mug back up again. "But as for the predicament I've gotten myself in, you can rest assured that I'm never going to give up on Abigail. She may be fucking the Goomba's brains out, but that doesn't mean that she's going to be with him forever. She told me I'm her number one," I told him, nodding over my cup and finally took a sip. Swallowing, I continued to nod. "Yeah, just a few days ago." So my pride was shining through, but that was who I was, and I wasn't going to change that. "That means that even she still believes that we're soul mates." I lifted my mug and took another sip.

"Of course you are. It's Dante and Bianca and Abby and Jackson... always..." I laughed. "You know celebs have pet names... for like when they're together. Like Brangelina? What if we were.. ummm... Danca and Jabby? Soulmates for life. At least you haven't given up the fight." I laughed, taking a sip of my coffee. It felt good to laugh. "We should probably head over to the hospital soon. I don't want to leave her alone for too long.."

I nodded my head, still laughing from what he said about our celebrity couple names. I almost choked on my coffee. I loved them. They were perfect, actually. Clearing my throat, I answered. "Yeah. Sure. Anytime you want to go."

I stood up, tossing some money down and grabbing my jacket. "Let's go." I walked to the door with him and headed down the street to the hospital.

I left the cafe with him and headed with him across the street to the hospital. "How is she, man? I mean, aside from not remembering things?"